I'm Back!

Or at least I hope. I haven't written in months, which is sad because my goal really was to read the Bible very often and post about all I was reading. Life is different...so very different. If you know me at all, which I'm assuming you do, if you are reading my blog you know that life has changed dramatically for me since March. I found out I was going to have a baby then, which wasn't easy to say the least, but God brought me through it. He made it apparent that I have amazing people by my side and has shown me how great His love really is. It's a struggle at times...the reality of it, but one thing that isn't a struggle is His love. It's always there...strong and true. You do not have to struggle for it...You just have to go to Him and there you will find His love.
After finding out I was pregnant, I got engaged....then two weeks ago (today!) I got married. And my husband is such a blessing to me. He shows me God's love in ways He doesn't even know. He is truly a gift from God.

Now, moving onto God's word...the reason I even began this blog. In Exodus 14 there is a verse that sticks out to me...one that I have gone to time and time again when in desperate need of help, of knowing things will be okay. Let me explain a bit first.

In this chapter the Israelites are in the desert, having been brought out of egypt. They look at this as a bad thing because well, the desert is hot and they will surely die! They believe it would have been better if Moses would have left them in Egypt to serve the Egyptians rather than bring them to this hot hot hot place. But Moses has other words for them. He says to them, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

This verse sticks out to me because so often we think our pain and suffering... our times of trouble will never come to an end. No, it may not always happen in the blink of an eye or even over the course of a year, but if we stand firm IN Him we will see that things do change. God fights for us...everyday He does...I believe especially through times on intense battle (which may be on the outside of us or even on the inside) and eventually He will win. He always does. He promises to take care of us and if we wait...we see that He does. He is a God of kept promises.

And we see this in chapter 14 when He promises that the Israelites will never see the Egyptians again. He made it so over night a cloud brought darkness to one side and light to another....and then He had Moses stretch his hand over the sea. During this time the LORD drove the sea back with strong winds and turned it into dry land. The waters divided and the Israelites went through the sea and dry ground, while when the Egyptians tried to go through they were swept into the sea. You see, God made it so the Egyptians couldn't go after the Israelites anymore! I believe that's what He does when we are going through a difficult time... He lets us walk through on dry land, when we seem to have been tossed around by the sea...and our problems, our sorrows, heartaches....whatever they maybe. He sweeps them away in the sea and we may never see those same sorrows again. He is a God of sweet deliverance!

One more thought:

I've been thinking a lot about love (and how could I not with every word from the Bible.... love pretty much sums it up) and how its a choice. Some people believe its a feeling and I am not saying it isn't....but more than that love is a choice. How do we know this though? We know this because God CHOSE to love us. He didn't have to...but He wanted to. He CHOSE to love us and He CHOSE to have His son die for us to show us that love. If we don't believe that love is a choice...we can believe it for that reason alone. God CHOSE to love...therefore, we can CHOOSE to love.

I gave Him my heart

The Bible is important, but more than that, it is vital to ones relationship to God. You cannot call yourself a Christian if you do not read the word, but is reading the word enough...or does there have to be meaning to it? Of course! But I believe the meaning can be different for everyone...yes, the truth in the words are laid out plain and simple. You do not have to search for the truth, but it is right there in front of you. However, what I mean is maybe the meaning is different...maybe the Bible means something different to each person depending on how they came to Christ. Maybe they read His words and take something different from it depending on what they've experienced, depending on how they've come to know God, depending on what He has done in their life.

When I read His words I may take something different from it than others. I may feel something different. His words may affect me in ways different than it would affect others. Why? I believe its because of how I came to know Christ...how Christ shaped me through my experiences... I think its easy for Christians to say that the Bible is important, but those who aren't Christians may not get why...and maybe that's when we should share our testimony and say, "this is why His words are important...this is why my relationship with Him is my life." People's testimony's are different...no one is the same. Some may seem plain and simple, while others may be heart wrenching and hard to hear, yet, they are all significant, all important because they unite us with God. So, here I am, wanting to explain why His words, why having Him in my life is important to me.

My testimony...my life with Christ...has made me who I am today. Without experiencing what I have in life, without going through some heartaches, some pain...I'm not sure I would have come to Christ. Therefore, I thank Him for the difficult times...it lead me to Him.

I grew up going to church, but it was very much different than the church I know now. I went to the catholic church and swore, when I was in elementary school, that when I was old enough to make my own choices and my mom didn't force me to go to church, I would no longer go...but that changed and for that change, in my heart, I am also thankful. I was really depressed when I was in 6th grade...whether it be because I was really hurting or just because I was a overly emotional girl who made things more dramatic. Then, it seemed like depression, not drama. So, in saying that, let me explain. I was "depressed" for many reasons. I struggled with my relationship with my parents..especially my dad, never feeling like he was there the way I needed him to be and having a lot of anger because of that. I never got to see my half brother, which depressed me a lot because I missed him...I wanted to know him, yet it was out of my control. I also had lost a friend in 3rd grade, which still affected me then, even though I'm not sure why...I think death was just hard for me in general. And I had my heartbroken for the first time that year as well. I cried a lot and just felt down...started thinking a lot about death and suicide..started thinking about cutting myself.

It only got worse as time went on, as I went to junior high and onto high school. I took drugs a few times, never really liking them, but trying them because everyone else around me was. I got into really bad relationships that took a lot of things away from me...and it crushed my soul. I lost a lot of myself by doing those things and being in those relationships. I fought with my parents, felt like I hated them at times. I did start cutting myself and at times, really didn't want to live. Throughout all this though...I prayed... not always great prayers, not ones God would honor, I don't think, but still I prayed. And even though God didn't answer the prayers the way I wanted Him to...He listened, He heard me and He knew my pain.

There's a lot more to my story...a lot more details, which I'd be more willing to share elsewhere, but there's so much to it. So much grace. In high school, my freshman year, that is I met a great friend, who will remain a friend for life. She knew I was struggling, as did many people, I assume and invited me to youth group. Little did I know, that this would change my life, change me... I started going to youth group with her, I started learning about God. I learned about His love. I learned about His forgiveness. I learned about what He wanted for my life...and one summer, the summer before my senior year of high school, I went to church camp and that's when I made the choice... to give my heart to Jesus and Jesus gave His heart to me as well. I sat behind the cabin, on a rock, and admitted that I was tired of my life...tired of living the way I was, making the choices I was and I knew that I needed Him to change me. So, I asked Him too and He did.

I am not perfect...giving my heart to Him did not make me perfect, but it changed me forever. It made me different. It made my life better. Grace came down on me...everyday it still does.

I hope you've given Him your heart. He desperately wants you to.

What We Expect.

I am often surprised what God does in my life and in the lives of those around me. I'm often shocked over the plans He has for my life because so often they are not what I expect. This has always been the case. For example, freshman year when I was sitting in Culture Diversity, listening to a speaker talk about the homeless in L.A., the children...I knew God was telling me to go. Yet, I couldn't help but think, "No, not me." I didn't feel like I was capable, I didn't feel like I had the skills to go and do what He asked. I thought, "I'm just me. I'm just Kassie." I'm shocked...I'm hesitant when He tells me where to go, what to do. I feel like I couldn't possibly accomplish what He wants...that I couldn't possibly do good. That's not the case however... that's not the truth. The truth is, we shouldn't be surprised or shocked, but instead we should simply be in awe. We should be thankful for what God calls us to do. We should be thrilled that God knows us so well, believes in us so much, that He is calling us to something great. And that's what He is doing... calling us to greatness...calling us to stand out...calling us to do something amazing. I also at times, not only struggle with feeling like I'm not good enough to do certain things God has called me to, but I also struggle with not understanding why He doesn't call me elsewhere. Maybe that's prideful and silly, but I have friends going to amazing places...friends in Thailand, Ukraine, and possibly Cambodia. Those are great, exciting places, where there will be much adventure and I often wonder why not me? When I have these thoughts though...I have to remind myself...God has called me to do certain things, that are fitting for me..He has called me to places where He can use me and my skills and my heart. For that I am thankful... for that I will follow Him, no matter where He tells me to go, even if its just next door or in the next town. And no matter where He sends me, I will know, He is doing it with love...and I am not JUST me, I am not JUST Kassie. I am his daughter...dearly loved.

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Onto something else I was thinking about today. I watch a lot of tv, which isn't always good for my soul, especially when it comes to the news or celeb gossip, yet I watch because I am intrigued. Sometimes when watching these things or even reading such things on the internet you come across people who call themselves Christians and maybe they are, but somethings they say about people...whether it be about someone in the news who committed an awful crime and they want to give their input or about a celebrity who did something they consider to be stupid. Well, today I was on the internet reading about a woman on The Hills MTV show. This woman, recently had a ton of plastic surgery done...at least ten surgeries done in one day. As I was reading about this, trying to understand why someone would do such a thing, I came across something that stated she had recently received an email from a stranger saying, "Plastic surgery is against God's will." This bugged me. Obviously this person disagrees with plastic surgery and believes that God looks down on it as well, but saying such things is not helpful. We look at people, we look at their actions, their words...how they live their lives and we judge. We say, God doesn't love you because you had plastic surgery...God doesn't love you because your gay...God doesn't love you because you had sex before you were married...God doesn't love you because you did this and you did that. We cut people down, we say cruel awful things. Yet, we wonder, we honestly wonder why people despise Christians! We wonder why more people aren't being brought to Christ. No, not all Christians are like that, but I believe that those people, who call themselves Christians, yet speak like this, hurt people like this, stick out more than the other Christians, that truly love and want to show God's love. To this, I say, think before you call yourself a Christian...think before you say you love Jesus and His people...and that you want to live for Him and show people Him...because when you do these things, when you say these things, you are saying and showing otherwise.

Jesus is all about love. He loves no matter what we do. He loves no matter who we are. He LOVES. It's that simple. All we have to do is have a relationship with Him. Nothing else matters...and that's what makes His love great. It is never ending. It is not bound to anything else other than loving Him above all else. How great is that?

Exodus 12 through 13

In these two chapters we learn about the passover. Here, the Lord tells Moses and Aaron that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb for his family , one for each household and slaughter it on the fourteenth day. They are to take the blood of the lamb and put it on the tops and sides of their door frames. When the Lord passes through Egypt and strikes down every first born, He will pass over the houses that have blood on their door frames...and there will be no destruction on those people. This is important and when asked what the point of this is, and we will be asked, by many people, we are to explain that the Lord brought us out of Egypt with His mighty hand...that He brought us out of slavery, when the Pharaoh refused to let us go.

What sticks out to me most is what it means... it means that the Lord set us free when nothing else could. That's so important...nothing else, no one else was able to set those people free. Nothing else, one else can set us free. Only He can do that! How often do I think about the freedom God has given me? How often do I thank Him for it? Not often enough, but Lord, I really am so thankful.

Your dying meant I was able to live. Fully and wholly. Thank You!

"You Are Loved"

We were younger then, you and me, full of dreams, weren't we?
I went my way, you went yours, where did you go, dear?
Someone said you had left the life we lived together then
This is my of reaching out 'cause I remember...

This is what I want to say to you
If I had one chance to speak to your heart
You are loved
More than you could ever know
This is what I want to say to you
If I had one change to tell you something
You are loved
More than you can imagine
Imagine

If I told you would you believe the narrow road, I did not leave
If I told you would you understand that I've found truth
Are you jaded? Are you hurting now? How I wish that I could tell
Where your heart's at...can you see? Mine has found---home

Not sure if I've, made it clear enough
It's not my love I sing about
Everybody asks, "Is God good?"
I believe, He is
In face I know, He is

(By Rebecca St. James)

I'm reading a book called LOVED: stories of forgiveness and those words are at the beginning. They jumped out at me because I can relate to it. I can relate to falling away from a close friend and wondering how they are doing...wondering how life is going for them. I hope that they realized that they are loved...maybe not always by people, but always by God. I hope we all realize this! God loves us beautifully and deeply.

Exodus 8 through 11

Moses went to Pharaoh day after day asking him to let God's people go, so that they may worship God, yet Pharaoh only hardened his heart. There was a plague of frogs, gnats, flies, livestock, boils, the worst hail storm ever, locusts, darkness, and the firstborn. Moses would tell Pharaoh that if he let God's people go this all would be taken away...Pharaoh would go to Moses and say,"I have sinned against the LORD your God and against you. Now forgive my sin once more and pray to the LORD your God to take this deadly plague away from me..." Yet, even after Moses prayed to God and even after God forgave Pharaoh his sin and removed the plague away from Pharaoh, Pharaoh still hardened his heart to God and would not let His people go.

Pharaoh is not the only one who has hardened his heart to God. I believe, at times, we all harden our hearts to God and allow sin to flow freely in our lives. We say, at least, I know I have...God, I am sorry, for this sin, please help me through it, please make me stronger, I will not continue to sin like this. Yes, just like Pharaoh, I have prayed just like that, but continued to sin. The amazing thing, however, is that every time Pharaoh asked to be forgiven his sin, God forgave...even though God knew that Pharaoh would still harden his heart. God knows all and knew Pharaoh would continue to sin, continue to harden his heart, yet, he still forgave every time and removed the plagues from him. At the same time however, there is consequences to continuing to sin. The plagues close to Pharaoh were the consequences for his choice to continuing to sin. I am thankful for both these things - thankful that even though I continue to sin day after day, God forgives day after day and that He teaches me with consequences. Both of these things, even though they may be painful and hard make me grow. That is what I am extremely thankful for! This life is about growing! Thank You Jesus!

Exodus 5-7

In these chapters Moses and Aaron do as God tells them, going to Pharaoh and telling him that the Lord, the God of Israel, has said for him to let His people go. However, the Pharaoh's heart is hardened and no matter what he does not listen. He treats the people even more horribly, working them harder than before. Moses finds this frustrating, returning to the Lord, asking Him why He has brought trouble upon the people?

God makes a promise - that even though the Pharaoh's heart is hardened now, even though he is not believing, the people will be delivered. He tells Moses that He remembers the covenant He made and because of His mighty hand Pharaoh will let His people go! He tells Moses to say to the Israelites, "I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession, I am the LORD (Exodus6:6-8). He tells this to the Israelites, but they still do not listen because they have been treated so awfully.

So the LORD tells Moses to go back to Pharaoh and tell him everything that He says. He tells Moses that to Pharaoh Moses is like a God and that Aaron is like a prophet...He tells him that he needs to say everything He tells him and that Aaron is to tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go from his country. Yet, the LORD also makes it known that He is going to harden Pharaoh's heart and Pharaoh will not listen to them still. Then, God will lay His hands on Egypt and with mighty acts of judgment He will bring out His divisions and because of this the Egyptians will know that He is the LORD.

The LORD tells Moses that when Pharaoh asks Moses to preform a miracle because he still does not believe...to throw down his and Aaron's staffs and they will turn into snakes. Pharaoh called wise men and sorcerers, and Egyptian magicians to him...they did the same thing...throwing down their staffs and turning them into snakes. And even though Aaron's snake swallowed up all the others, Pharaoh's heart was still hard. So, the LORD again tells Moses to do another miracle. He tells him, that when Pharaoh goes to get water from the Nile to turn into blood, so Moses does as he is told but because the Egyptian magicians can do the same, his heart does not change...and this is when the plague begins.


The fact that Pharaoh's heart is hardened to the LORD is nothing new, at least not when I look at the world I live in now. There are so many hearts that are hardened to Him, so many hearts that do not know Him. Yet, God does not give up when people's hearts are hardened! How thankful I am for that! I do not believe anyone would have a heart for the LORD if it weren't for the fact that He is a persistent, all loving God. He does not give up on us when we say we do not believe, when we do not want Him to be apart of our lives, when we walk away from Him. Time and time again...He presses at our hearts trying desperately to soften them. I am so thankful that He does not give up...that He believes in me, that He wants to be in my life, and that He doesn't walk away from me! He is so good and faithful! His hand is mighty - it is such a strong hand that is able to pull people out of the biggest hole, the biggest pain, the biggest lie. It is such a strong hand that is able to soften the hardest of hearts. I believe that these things - slavery (or other hard things) and hardened hearts are still for a reason. Yes, they are difficult, but they happen so we can see God's strength and His love. If it weren't for those things would we be able to see how strong and mighty He really is? He allows the awful things...the hardened hearts...so He can use His hand and set us free, so we can see how truly great He is and how much all of creation needs Him!