Exodus 1 through 4

In the beginning of Exodus we find out that the Israelites are being oppressed. There are too many people in Egypt so if a Hebrew woman gives birth to a boy the midwives are supposed to kill it, but if a Hebrew woman gives birth to a girl, it is to live. However, the midwives did not agree with killing a boy, so the Pharaoh then ordered that all boys that are born are to be thrown into the Nile, but all girls are still to live. Some time later...a Levite woman gave birth to a baby boy. She hid him for three months, but when she couldn't any longer she put him in a basket and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. Pharaoh's daughter found the baby and had it taken care of by a Hebrew woman until the baby was older and then it was brought back to her. This is when she named the boy Moses.

One day when Moses was grown up he was observing his own people working hard. While watching he noticed an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people. Noticing that no one was around he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. Later on it became known to the Pharaoh that Moses had killed an Egyptian and Pharaoh wanted to kill Moses because of this. Knowing this Moses fled to a place known as Midian. Here he sat by a well, where seven daughters came to get water to tend to their fathers flock. Some shepherds came and drove them away, but Moses came to their rescue helping them tend to the flock. He was then invited to their home and one of the fathers daughter was given to Moses as a wife. During this time the Israelites groaned because they were in slavery...they cried out to God and He was concerned for them.

Moses tended to his father-in-laws flock and one day when he lead the flock to the far side of the desert he came to Horeb, which is the mountain of God. Here is where the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire within a bush. Moses noticed that this bush did not burn up and went to see why the bush did not burn up. When the Lord saw that Moses went over to the bush, He spoke to Him through the bush. The Lord told Moses that He was going to send him to the Pharaoh to bring His people the Israelites out of Egypt. God told Moses to go, but to God Moses said, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" And God responded by telling him, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain." He told Moses to tell them that "I AM" sent Him to bring them out of their misery... God made this His promise...that He would bring His people out of their misery.

Yet, Moses wasn't sure...He asked "what if people don't believe me or listen to me?" The Lord showed that they would believe Him by miraculous signs... either his staff turning into a snake, or his hand turning into leprosy, or water turning into blood. Still Moses was hesitant...expressing that he has never been eloquent and has always been slow of speech and tongue. The Lord, however, said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." Yet, even after this Moses begged the Lord to send someone else. The Lord, however, pushed Moses forward, still telling him to go.

So Moses went back to Egypt...performing the Pharaoh all the wonders given to him by God. Yet, the Pharaoh's heart was hardened and he would not let his people go. Moses kept on trying and in the end the people of Israel believed Moses and bowed down and worshiped.

There are a few things in this story that stuck out to me. One, how the Lord spoke to Moses. At times, I believe God can only speak to me in certain ways...in simple ways. What ways I don't know, but I do know that there are times when He could be speaking to me, but it seems so unreal that I think, "this couldn't possibly be God speaking to me!" However, if God can speak to Moses through a burning bush...He can speak to me in ways that are different also. Then, I thought about how, like Moses, I don't think God could use me...could send me. Moses didn't believe He had what it took for God to use him in helping Him set His people free. He didn't believe He had the right words, but God reminded Him that HE takes care of it all. God gives us the words we need... and the words we don't need...aren't there. God gives us the gifts we need for the things He wants us to do. God gives us what we need in order to do what He asks of us. So, yes, there are times when I don't think I have what I need in order to work for God, but just like He told Moses, He will help him, He will also help me. He will also be with me. What peace that brings!

Genesis 41 through 50

In these chapters Joseph comes into contact with his brothers, who once sold him into slavery. At first they do not know it is him, but finally he makes himself known. He tells them, "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been a famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on the earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God." (Genesis 45: 4-8).

What stuck out here to me is Joseph telling his brothers that him being where he is had nothing to do with them selling him into slavery, but that God placed him where he is! There are things that happen in life that are hard and painful. Sometimes it seems like its caused by other people... he hurt me, she betrayed me, he did this, she did that... and while that may be the case I believe God has a purpose for all those things. Of course God does not want us to be in pain, to hurt in any way, but at the same time the hard times we go through...the pain we feel...it can be used by Him. There is a reason for all things in life - all pain, all heartache. I believe that God does not want us to hurt, but I believe He allows it to use us... possibly in ways we will never understand. He may use our pain, our experiences in life to send us somewhere... to places, maybe where there are hurting souls who we can help because we've been there... Somehow our pain or obstacles sends us somewhere even if its just pushing us more towards God and leaning on and obeying Him. Maybe the only thing is does is send us towards a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. I think this goes for good things as well. Wherever we are, whatever we have in life...its all from God!

Joseph gets to see his father for a while before he dies. His brothers are fearful that without their father around Joseph will hold a grudge against them and try to pay them back from all the wrongs they did to him (Genesis50:15). So, they send word to Joseph telling him that his father left instructions for him, saying," I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly. Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father." (Genesis50:16-17). This made Joseph weep, but when his brothers came to him, he said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." (Genesis50:19-21).

This stuck out to me because of his forgiveness... I like how it happened. He forgave his brothers even though they hurt him deeply - even though they pulled him away from his family and sold him into slavery. He still forgave... it takes a strong person to forgive...I think. I also liked how he told them that yes, they intended to cause him harm, but everything that happened to Joseph, God intended to be for good. I want to think like that... I want to be able to forgive those who have hurt me deeply... and truly and wholeheartedly believe, that yes, they intended to hurt me, but God intended for their hurting me to be used in a good way. I think maybe that makes forgiving easier...knowing that there is a reason for all of it.

Thought of today: Wherever I am, whatever I am doing...If I am doing it FOR God, if I am following Him, then He will take care of me.


I am so thankful that His hands are full of love for me and that in His hands He holds my life. Thank You Lord for having such a caring and loving heart.

Important aspects of my relationship with Him

My relationship with God changes constantly. At times there are dry spells, where I barely read my Bible or write to Him (writing to Him is how I pray a lot of the time...not that I don't just have conversation with Him..I do that as well) and there are times where I feel His presence so strongly in my life, yet, there are also those times when I can't seem to feel Him or hear Him...His presence seems to be absent (this is untrue - He is always there, whether I feel Him or not. He never forsakes, never leaves). Today I was thinking a lot about my relationship with Him. A relationship with Him involves so much... sometimes I cannot even explain how much it involves because there is so much depth to it. It's like a friendship, but even more intimate than that because He knows all. He knows the parts of my of my life, of my heart that I let Him see, yet He also knows the parts I try to hide. Yet again - He knows the parts of my heart I don't even know! He knows me deep down to my soul. He knows me more deeply than anyone ever could! And He loves me even more than that! How awesome is that?!? It's even more amazing that He knows everything and still loves. How often does a person love you no matter what you do? How often does someone look at the choices you've made, the sins you've committed and still fully love you? No one loves like He does. It is a love that cannot be fully comprehended, not even just a little bit. We can only understand so much of it. So, as I was thinking about this a question popped into my head: What is the most important part of my relationship with my God? All aspects of my relationship with Him are important and needed, but there are a few, that lately, I really feel I could not go on without....


One is reading my Bible, yet there is more to it than that. It's easy to just pick up and read the words (okay not easy, but at times it feels easier...) but what is harder is to actually think about the words and what they mean for me. At times, when I've read my Bible, I couldn't help but think "this is so boring!" but that was when I was only reading the words, not really taking them in, not really meditating on them. Joshua 1:8 says, "Do not let this book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you will be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." God's word tells us to meditate on His word day and night, not just to read it, but to think about it, to use it in life! And I've found when I do that I learn more about Him and what He wants for this world, for His children. I also enjoy reading His words more when I do this. His word is good and true!



The other thing I know I cannot live without is prayer. I know my prayer life isn't where it should be or at least I want it to be so much stronger than it is. I do write to God...I share the deepest parts of my heart with Him in my journals and I talk to Him through out the day, but I want it to be more than that... I want their to be a passion when it comes to me praying, I want to be in prayer constantly. There is a quote that says, "To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing." If there isn't prayer then the relationship really isn't there. You can't have a relationship with someone if you don't speak to them. Sure, God isn't sitting by your side physically, but He is there! He is listening! And He is speaking! I've come to realize this more and more... He listens to me and hears my prayers...He answers them. When I pray to Him I find my relationship with Him strengthening. I find that I have more faith and I believe more!

Lord, thank you that I have a relationship with You that grows each and everyday. Thank You for Your words and giving me the chance to be able to meditate on them. Thank You for my ability to pray and thank You for hearing me and answering my many prayers. Thank You for You!

Now, tell me, everyone.... what's something in your relationship with God you can't live without?!?

His love is big, deep, and great.

I was reading a book earlier in which a preacher was going to do a sermon about the Messiah coming. I started thinking about when the Messiah was coming and wondered what people thought. Sure, there were those who didn't believe.... then there were those who thought Jesus was just a good man. There were also those who wanted Him dead....but then there were those who fully believed and followed Him.

What about those who believed He was coming? Did they fully understand what it meant - Jesus coming for us and dying for us? Did they understand what it meant for God to send His ONLY son to live just like we live? Did they understand how big, how deep, how great His love must be for us to do such a thing? Did they understand what it meant for Him to die for our sins? Did they know that all this would change our lives? Make our lives better?

I'm not sure even the believers, who had such strong faith, who followed Him without questioning, without doubting - could even fully KNOW how great, how life changing all those things are. God sent His son...His only son to die for us. I know that I couldn't imagine allowing or sending someone I love so much to die for someone else. But Jesus loves us that much! He loves the whole world...all His children of this world so much that He sent His only son to die to show us that love. He sent Him to die for our sins so we could be free, so we could live a life that glorifies Him, so we could live our lives to the fullest. That love....is so much more bigger, so much deeper, so much greater then we will ever be able to comprehend.

His love is bigger, deeper, and greater than the ocean. That love is so big and so amazing that I cannot fathom it and I love that.... I love that I cannot comprehend it because that means I always have to draw closer to Him to even get a glimpse of His love.

Thank you God for loving me.

"One anothers"

I often find it hard to be surrounded by people. Now, I'm not saying that I don't like them (even though I know at times that is how it does come across) or don't care for them, but I often wonder how I am supposed to live with people? How am I supposed to act around them? How am I supposed to treat them? Well, thinking about this I took some time to look into the Word. I found a list of -one anothers- as I will call them, which I believe is God telling us exactly how we are supposed to live with one another, how we are supposed to act around one another, and how we are supposed to treat one another. Now, some things are broad, but all are important and I believe that by looking at how Jesus lives we can apply these -one anothers- more specifically.

So, what are the -one anothers-?
love one another - John13:35
be devoted to one another. honor one another above yourselves. -Romans12:10
live in harmony with one another. -Romans12:16
accept one another.-Romas15:7
instruct one another.-Romas15:14
agree with one another.-1Cor1:10
serve one another.-Galations5:13
bear with one another in love.-Ephesians4:2
be kind and compassionate to one another.-Ephesians4:32
speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. -Ephesians5:19
submit to one another.-Ephesians5:21
spur one another on towards love and good deeds.-Hebrews10:24

I know it isn't always possible to do these things considering we are sinful being and we do make mistakes, but I believe with my whole heart we are supposed to strive to do these things...these things can shape our hearts to be much like God's heart.

Genesis 35 through 40

In these chapters we learn about Joseph. He has dreams where things are bowing down to him, such as the sun, moon, and eleven stars (Genesis37:9). His brothers hated him for the fact that they were possibly going to bow down to him. They hated him so much that they planned to kill him, but instead sold him into slavery. While being a servant, his servants wife came to realize how great and good looking Joseph was that she tried to get him to sleep with her. However, Joseph knew that this would not honor God, but that this would be a sin against Him, so he ran from the woman after she kept on pressuring him to do such a thing. However, this woman did not appreciate Joseph not doing as she told him, so she accused him of trying to get her to sleep with him and he was placed in jail. However, God was with Joseph. God was kind to Joseph and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. So the warden put Joesph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there. The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph's care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did (Genesis39:21-23).

This story of Joseph and God giving him success no matter what He did, made me think about following Him. If we listen to Him, if we follow Him and do as He asks then we will be successful in whatever we do. God never tells us to do things to set us up for failure, but tells us to do things so we can thrive...so we can do well...so we can bring honor and glory to Him! Yes, people may not understand the things we do as followers of Jesus, as lovers of God, but still if we do as He asks those things won't bother us. We won't be bothered by their lack of understanding... Yes, people may criticize us and look down on us, thinking we are silly for believing in God, for believing He would call us to do whatever He has asked of us...but we won't be bothered by that either. We may not seem successful to others if we are following Him, but in our hearts we will know differently. We will know that listening to Him, following Him, having Him in our hearts is what success is all about!

Thought (question) of today: Do you think every aspect of life can be full of passion? There are things in life that may be boring or less entertaining than other areas, but can there still be passion in everything one does? Does Jesus want us to live with passion in all areas of our lives?

Faithfully He heals if faithfully we come

The other day I was reading a book, in which a passage from Luke was written about. I've been thinking about it the past few days and want to share because I believe it can speak to all of us in some form.

It says:
Now when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. Then a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying. As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. "Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said," Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know the power has gone out from me." Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had instantly been healed. Then he said to her,"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." -Luke8:40-48.

What sticks out here, to me, is that the woman bleed for 12 years! That is a long time! Yet, the moment she went to Jesus, the moment she had faith IN Him, the moment she reached out and simply touched Him she was healed. I've always been one to think that I should heal quickly, that the pain in my heart should only take a week (or some crazy short amount of time) to sort through and then I should be okay. I should be strong enough to deal with things quickly. Yet, I am not... sorting through painful experiences, heartache...it takes time. Sometimes much longer than we hope, but with Jesus healing is possible. If this woman Jesus healed can hurt for twelve years, then even if there is pain five years after things, even if pain in my life can last for years and years God can still heal me. If God can heal a woman who hurt for more than a decade, then I should not limit God (never should I do this because He cannot be limited! He is a limitless God!) in when He can heal me. Healing is possible now when I go to God... when I reach out and grasp Him... when I fully believe. At the same time, if I hurt for longer...if I hurt just as long as this woman, healing can still be done even years later! I am so thankful that God is all powerful. I am thankful for His healing power. For his love and forgiveness that give so much healing to the heart and the soul. Thank you God for being you.




And now I say, "Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed."
-Jeremiah17:14

All of it He paid.

As I started to write this I was going to tell you that I am trying to go back to where I used to be... I am trying to go back to church, trying to go back to my God, but the more I think about the more I realize I don't want to go backwards. I want to go forwards. I want something new, something fresh, not something old. I don't want to go backwards because that will get me to exactly where I am now. I want to go forward to new things, new experiences, a new relationship with God. However, just like its hard to go backwards sometimes its just as hard to go forewards.

I am trying to go to church, but its hard for me. I've spent the last couple years of my life having this battle inside myself - knowing I should go to church, but not being able to get past all the emotions that seem to hit me in the face when I walk in the door. I've felt like everyone in church can see my sin and that just makes me want to jump into a very dark hole and never resurface. I know its silly and untrue. God tells me that.... He tells me when I'm there, "This is the place you can be broken. It's safe here." Yet, no matter how much He speaks to me, no matter His words I throw this wall up and beg Him not to break me there, beg Him to do it anywhere else like the loneliness of my own room where no one but Him and I are. But for some reason that doesn't seem to be where He wants it to happen because I never break the way He wants me to break when I'm in church. So, every Sunday there is a battle - do I go to church and possibly break or do I stay where no one can see? Yesterday I made myself go and it was good because I did hear God. He spoke to me and told me things I really needed to hear and also gave me questions I really need to think deeply about.

As we were singing the song In Christ Alone, God spoke to me through certain lyrics. There is part of the song that says "Til on that cross as Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied." As I sang those words I had a thought cross my mind....now, maybe it was God speaking directly to my heart or maybe it was just a realization, but it was as if God was saying, "Daughter, I'm not mad at you." Sometimes, I don't realize I've felt a certain way until I have a certain experience, or hear a certain word and when I sang those words...when I sang, "the wrath of God was satisfied" I realized that deep down in my heart I thought God was mad at me. I know it doesn't make any sense because I know my God isn't an angry God, but a loving, compassionate, giving God... yet, I'd been living as if He wasn't. I've been living as if He is a God who hates me, who doesn't care, who doesn't give, but takes away. I know that this may not always been seen by people outside myself, but the closer I look at my heart the more I realize maybe this really is true. God is forgiving, but I am not. He has told me time and time again that He has forgiven me, yet I don't forgive myself... I still hold onto my past, I still hold onto old sins that God has washed clean.

As I was sitting in church I was thinking about how Jesus paid it all by dying on the cross... He paid my debt, which is bigger than any debt I could ever have. He has forgiven each and every sin I have asked Him to forgive and He will continue to do so. That is His promise. Yet, I don't forgive.... I don't let go... I hold on and beat myself up over and over again...I tear myself down. That's not what God wants. He wants me to forgive. To Love myself. To move on as if I am forgiven. It's like when I have some other debt... when I owe someone money... once I pay it, I forget about it and move on, no longer worrying. Well, that's what Jesus dying on the cross has done for me. His dying paid my debt fully and I should no longer worry or carry it around.

He paid it all - it is done and now I need to live like it.
Are you living like it?

His desire

This morning as I was getting ready for the day a question came to mind: What does God desire? What does He desire for me? for you?

Sometimes my desires get in the way of His desires. I don't always think about what God wants... for my life, for my heart. I think about what I want and I fully believe that, that can get in the way of what He wants for me. I wonder how often, if I stopped thinking about my plans, my heart, my life what God would do with those things. I believe the plans would be much bigger, my heart would be much fuller, and my life would be so much more than it is...if only I would seek His desires more than my own. In a general sense however, those things don't matter. I think God's biggest desire is for us to want Him. God doesn't need us, but He wants us. He wants us to have a deep relationship with Him. I don't think much else matters to Him other than us being His. We can have those things... we can have plans of our own, a compassionate heart, a life full of great things, but if we do not have a relationship with Him really we don't have anything at all. He desires for our plans, our hearts, our life to be about Him.

Having a relationship with Him is so much more than just speaking with Him when we feel we need Him.... not that He won't be there if that's the only time we go to Him, but He desires more than that. He wants us to have a deep relationship with Him. He wants us to consider Him a friend. He wants us to love Him and feel His love. He wants us to feel His forgiveness. He wants to be our everything and be His everything in return because to God we do mean the world...and the fact that He gave His son so we could live proves that.

Lord, Your word says to delight in You and You will give me the desires of my heart. I ask You now, to help me put aside my desires and desire what You desire. Help me to see what You desire for me and help me to go after that because Your desires are far better than my own.

Genesis 30 through 34

Life has seemed crazy lately and I haven't been reading His word or blogging like I should, but I am back!

In these chapters Jacob left home to get away from everything that happened between him and Esau. During this time he had many struggles, one being that he found a woman he wanted to marry, but the father of this woman tricked him into being with his other daughter. To me it really seemed like a huge love triangle in a way, very messy. During this time Jacob really struggled with God... not the idea of Him really, but more so had God beside him struggling through things with Him. In the end Jacob was given the new name Israel, which means God-Wrestler. He had wrestled with God and got through everything that had happened to him recently.

I love the meaning behind his new name. God-Wrestler. I think about how so often I could also be referred to as God-Wrestler. I have spent much time wrestling with God.... not understanding what He is doing in my life, not liking what I'm going through, not wanting to change... but I have come through it... it has made me stronger and I am better because of all things that have happened in my life. I'm glad that God is willing to wrestle through things with me.